Truth or dare

I remember playing Truth or Dare as a pre-teen and a full-fledged adolescent. Yesterday I dared my five-year-old to jump into our backyard pool (a cheap plastic thing that was the greatest investment of the summer) and he looked at me.

What does “dare” mean?

I did my best to explain the concept. He didn’t jump until he was ready. That’s fine.

The next intention from my Week in Words is Be True.

I thought this one would be easy. I also think I am a pretty good judge of people, and whether they are being truthful or not.

This week has been a mixed-up sort of week of highs and lows, and I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen next. If you’ve been reading this blog awhile, then you know that I was recently laid off. What you may not know is that my employer announced that it is closing its doors entirely within the next 30 – 60 days. Every single employee will be let go. Founded seventeen years ago, this organization has been a leader in the community food security movement – one that has brought knowledge and inspiration to thousands of individuals and organizations working to build healthy, sustainable, and just community food systems. It is a sad ending to a strong story. And I’ll stop there — the complexity of the decision to close down operations is real and not possible to address briefly.

I’m not saying it was the right or the wrong thing to do.

The point is that my lay off was so much bigger than me. And I’ve found it increasingly challenging to determine who is being truthful and who isn’t.

I’m going to step away from my computer soon. We head south to camp for a few nights tomorrow and I.Need.To.Get.Out.Of.The.City. We’re bringing enough provisions for a multi-family car camping expedition that would last a week, but we’ll only be gone three nights.

So…. Be True. Today I cashed in a Living Social deal to float for 90 minutes in a sensory deprivation tank. I anticipated falling into a deep meditative state, but that didn’t happen. I think I was too curious and too delighted for me to completely settle down. Delighted to be emerged in a dark, silent environment, I explored so much in those ninety minutes — it was almost overwhelming. I tried to stop myself from wondering how much time had passed, and then suddenly soft music brought me back into reality and the experience was over. I wasn’t as True as I had hoped I could be during this unique experiment in self-care, because I found myself thinking about work, and working, and all sorts of layered and random and worried thoughts tumbled around my brain until I told it sternly to Be Still a la Max from Where the Wild Things Are. I floated in a good-sized tank filled with water and 850 pounds of Epsom Salts and took plenty of deep breaths.

The best part by far was the silence.

There was no worst part, but I’m not sure I’d do it again. I wanted to stretch and move and in a pitchblack tank of salt water that’s not really a smart thing to do. But I liked it. I like that someone like me can make an appointment to float.

And that’s true enough.

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