Real family, real values

Warning: this is a soapbox post. I’m publishing it anyway.

I find it appalling that I live in a nation that can legally force a moral, kind, contributing father and partner – a payer of taxes and giver to community and dare I say it? pretty darn normal guy – out of our country by denying his marital status. But I do. I live in a place where celebrities can marry and divorce within one phase of the Moon, and no one blinks. Where people spend thousands and thousands of dollars on a wedding reception only to announce the demise of the relationship a few months later. Where certain candidates running for the Presidential nomination can be married, and divorced, and married, and divorced, and married again and then proceed to denounce the opposition as lacking in real family values.

I heard someone describe Newt Gingrich as the “redemption candidate”.

Are you kidding me?

Frankly I don’t care how many times people get married and there are absolutely critical reasons for which a marriage may break down. But if we’re going to be authentic and just and compassionate when defining what marriage really is, or is supposed to be – a relationship based on love and respect and honesty and commitment and a sense of humor – then the marriage between Frederic Deloizy and Mark Himes is one that I aspire to.

Frederic and Mark have spent over two decades together. They are raising four beautiful, healthy children together.

And yet because of our country’s policies around same-sex marriage, these men are on the brink of witnessing their family dissolve, because Frederic’s visa has expired. Frederic faces deportation because immigration officials are barred from recognizing their marriage under the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA).

I truly hope that the authors of future history books describing American immigration policy in the year 2012 are paying attention. One day we will re-write such policy to not only welcome persons such as Frederic Deloizy across our borders, but celebrate his contribution to our community.

Please join me in learning more about these men’s courageous journey on their blog (you can read it here).

And if you are so inclined, here’s how you can help. Call, write, text or Tweet the following people:

Senator Robert P. Casey, Jr.
393 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, D.C. 20510
Phone: (202) 224-6324
Toll Free: (866) 802-2833
Fax: (202) 228-0604
On twitter @senbobcasey
Link to Senator Casey’s contact form
Secretary Janet Napolitano
Department of Homeland Security
U.S. Department of Homeland Security
Washington, D.C. 20528

As always, thank you for reading.

2 thoughts on “Real family, real values

  1. Lauren says:

    Hear, hear. I try not to get up on my soapbox too often, too, but when I do, I make sure it’s for something important, and this is darn important.

    A couple I met through my hubby’s work against Prop 8 faced the same situation many years ago, and were able to overcome it. They have been together for 20 years, and are now legally married (one of the couples who got married while same sex marriage was briefly legal in CA — not that that solves the DOMA problem). I hope this story has a happy ending for Frederic and Mark, too.

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