The 12 Casualties of Christmas

1. Ball ornaments. This one’s obvious. Who can get through the season without one of those shiny, delicate ball ornaments smashing into teeny pieces? You can buy “shatterproof” ball ornaments now, but evidently we don’t have any.

2. Wine glasses. Actually, I haven’t broken any glasses in a long time, but for some reason whenever we have friends over, a glass is tipped, toppled, or otherwise damaged. Could it be due to our old and lovely porcelain sink? or is the wine that bad?

3. Tummies (or for you non-parents, the gastrointestinal system). Overindulgence at the dinner table, or holiday gathering, or any old place seems to take place fairly often during the season.

4. Cerebral property. Perhaps due to said overindulgence or due to the combination of working-shopping-thinking-card-writing-picture-taking-relative-gathering-and-greeting-wrapping frenzy that overtakes some of us around now, our minds are lost.

5. Wrapping paper. So pretty and sparkly in the store, and so good at making something desirable in the home. But once the gift is opened, it’s toast.

6. The advent calendar. I bought one of those calendars at Trader Joe’s that has chocolate. On day 16, our dog ate it while we were at work (and my eldest was outraged: “he gets COAL for Christmas!” Definitely.)

6. Wood. Fires burning bright, we thoroughly enjoy our fireplace in the rainy season that means winter in the Pacific Northwest.

7. Expectations. This is a sad one. My personal expectations are being met quite nicely so far. The tree was selected and trimmed happily and the holiday music is being played. But for many, the season brings about expectations that remain unfulfilled.

8. Yukon Cornelius’ foot. It is broken and now missing. No one admits to witnessing it, but this favorite ornament was hurt during the tree trimming activity last Saturday night. The usual suspect is the 21-month-old child who resides in the same household as said ornament.

9. Exploding tree lights. Just kidding! This has never happened, but it would be exciting.

10. Bubble wrap. Take two boys and give them several sheets of bubble wrap from boxes delivered pre-Christmas from grandparents and other relatives. Super fun to stomp on and mildly destructive = a brilliant toddler + preschooler distraction activity.

11. Merrymaking mistakes. It’s best to avoid midnight on New Year’s Eve unless one is in a secure and loving relationship, but if you must make merry with a stranger, get on with it and never regret it.


12. Travel plans. If you are connecting through Chicago, don’t leave home for the holidays! Just don’t do it. Stay home, sleep in, build a fire, and raise a glass.

Wishing my readers a wonderful holiday season and a joyful New Year.


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